I’ve been around the block once or twice.
I’m not old, but I’m no spring chicken, that’s for sure.
BDSM today is a lot more complicated than it was when I was first putting my toes into the water, so to speak.
Firstly, there seems to be this conceptual gap that people can’t seem to see past that I don’t think was ever present before, at least not in the circles that I swam in. “The lifestyle” is all there is to some people, and anyone who is not living in a 24/7 Total Power Exchange is not ‘real BDSM’.
One of the things that first attracted me to BDSM was the acceptance that followed with being with a group of like minded people who were unafraid to express who they were and what they liked.
What happened to that?
When did it become okay to order around someone else’s submissive without permission? I saw that happen recently and I was shocked. Never in a million years would I be so disrespectful.
I don’t recall so many alpha contests happening in my youth. Perhaps I wasn’t interested in playing, but then, I’m not all that interested in it now.
My pack is not your pack is not the pack at large, and I don’t have to challenge every other Dom to know where I fit. I can be respectful and even deferential to an equal, especially when I am in His house. And I have a right to expect the same respect when you are in mine, and there is no violation of hierarchy or protocol involved.
There are no absolutes in BDSM, and that is its strength.
BDSM uses contracts, but more than that, BDSM is a contract. No matter who you are or what your role is, your place in the shared construct is determined by everyone’s willingness to play. If you don’t play fair, you can go home.
Just because I claim to be Master Rant, does that give me the right to assume that any submissive must bend to my will? Where I was raised and inducted into this method of expression – because never forget, that is what BDSM is, it’s a shared fantasy, it’s a choice – where I was raised and brought into this way of life that would never fly.
Not every D/s pair likes to share. And that is their right.
Not every unclaimed sub is looking for some random Master to come pull him off of his feet and drag him away to be beaten.
There seem to be a great many un-Dom-like Doms out there today, and I’m not sure where they came from or where they got their sense of entitlement and lack of morals.
If I saw a sub kneeling beside her Dom at a club or event, never in a million years would I approach her without first approaching him and seeking his permission and approval.
If I saw an apparently unclaimed sub, never would I just walk up and give her orders, or attempt to punish her for failing to refer to me as Sir.
Honor. Respect. These are concepts and ideals that are eternal, or at least they should be. The strength of any society is in the willingness of its members to remain a part of it, the moment that we break the implicit social contract that comes with this lifestyle we place the whole edifice in danger of collapse.
Being a good Dom does not mean wearing arrogance like a badge and demanding that others see you as you want them to, because anyone with any experience sees right through that.
I am a Dom, and I have no difficulty at all in navigating the currents of this shared fantasy we live in because I know who I am and I do not need you to tell me.
That is the weakness that masquerades as strength.
When you insist that I call you Lord Thunderbottom or that my slave refers to you as Sir whenever you address her, you are showing me your fear.
If you would like to converse with my slave you will ask me and I may even consult her before I give you permission. That makes me strong, because I understand the bond that we have, and if you call me weak for allowing her to have an opinion, you are showing me that you are afraid of your own shadow and I call you not-Dom.
This is my opinion. This is not a call to action. This is a rant…