Five hundred words. That is my daily writing goal.
I used to be a rather prolific writer. I enjoy writing, and it is a skill that definitely diminishes over time if left unused, so the fact that my life became chaotic and I pushed aside my daily goal to keep writing is something that bothers me.
So, much like I would do for a submissive in my care, I’ve set myself a task to write at least five hundred words a day. It’s really not that much, but it does require that I actually sit down, empty my mind, and put something on the page. That first step can be oh-so-difficult some days.
I’ve been in and out and at the periphery of the kink scene for a very long time. One of the things that I have always thought to be true, though my understanding of what it means has changed with time, is that in order to be Master to someone else, you must first be Master of yourself.
That is a tall order, but how can I task a submissive with the things that I think will improve her life if I do not even have my own in order? This has recently been a struggle of mine. I’ve had some personal setbacks, and while I do always manage to correct them and find my true path again, I have spent a few days in the weeds, during which time I find that I am all but incapable of being the Dominant that I am needed to be, both for myself, and for my partner.
I don’t think I’ve spent more than three contiguous days in a state where I was not fully Master of myself, but these occurrences have happened with enough frequency lately that it is nearly half of the time for the last several weeks, and that is purely not acceptable.
Sure, I am human, and I am entitled, just as everyone else is, to have off days or to not always be in control of things, but as Master, I have a duty not only to myself, but to my submissive as well. When my submissive partner is having trouble, a firm hand is usually what she needs to get back on course. When I am in my right mind, I see this, and I act upon it, but when I am the one who needs the firm hand, and it has to come from within me, there I run into trouble.
So – I need something that will persist across that line, where I no longer feel in control and when I feel like I have to have direction put in front of me.
I don’t know why it never occurred to me before, but the answer was always in front of me all along. Writing forces me to sit quiet with my thoughts for a time, and commit them to paper. When I am feeling most chaotic, I cannot do this of my own accord, unless I feel like I have a persistent demand that requires it of me. And so….
I’ve tasked myself.
I will write 500 words a day, every day, whether they be in my blog here, as a post on fetlife, or in continuation of one of the several novels that I have started and not finished.
I am now at 565 words, and this piece has achieved my goal for today, and I will force myself to write something tomorrow, even if I don’t feel like it, because my Master ordered me to do so.
I am Rant, and I am Master to Myself.