Today is the sixth anniversary of the car accident that changed my life and almost ended it.
I have been working on another blog entry – a story from an earlier period of my life – where I was much more sexually active, powerful, responsive, and engaged than I am today. The length of the post has grown to be such that I cannot really post it without cutting it into pieces and I have been reluctant to do so, so it’s been sitting there, waiting for me to cut it down and I’ve posted nothing in far too long.
But I need to remind myself sometimes that any engagement is better than waiting for the right time and the right means with which to engage – today serves as a reminder of that as much as anything else.
Six years ago today I at this time I was lying in a hospital bed, alone, afraid, and in tremendous pain. I had no one to come to my aid, no one to even pick me up at the hospital. When I was finally released, I took a cab home.
I had succeeded in completely isolating myself and prided myself on my lack of reliance on anyone other than myself. I had people who depended upon me, but no one I could depend on myself.
That is different now – and I am very grateful for that fact.
I have wonderful friends, powerful allies, and people who are willing to do almost anything I ask of them. Part of the reason this is true is because I provide much for others and ask for nothing in return, but the largest part of this is that I’ve let love back in my life.
Love may be different for me than for most, but it is still a powerful thing.
Today I remember pain. I remember mistrust. I remember that when the chips are down, I can always rely on myself.
But those are the methods and means of my past – so I remember something else as well.
Today I remember that I have friends. I have a rich chosen family and there are people literally all over the world who will stand up for me when called upon.
To my friends who have taken the time to understand me and be a part of my life – I thank you and give you love.
To my friends who remain in the wings and will come to answer my call if I make it – I thank you and give you love.
To the friends that I have yet to meet but will make my life richer by being a part of it – I thank you and give you love.
I have missed countless opportunities to expand my world by making friends in the past, but today I’m reminding myself to be open to allowing others to enrich my life. The rewards are almost always worth the risk.
Thank you all.