I remember first reading about this on fetlife about a month ago and thinking – that can’t possibly be real, can it?
Just now, I saw an article about it on NBC’s website.
Seriously, what the holy fuck is this nonsense?
Stealthing, in case you haven’t heard about it yet, refers to the act of removing a condom from your dick before you have sex with someone who agreed to have sex with you – with the expectation that you’d be wearing one.
Not only is this completely asinine from a health perspective, deeply disrespectful, and an act of destructive violence against your partner, but since most of the victims of this tend to be women, it is yet another layer of misogynistic bullshit that is being built up by this disgusting culture of selfishness and brutality that is percolating up from the dark hearts of people who look like me and who have had it far too easy for far too long.
I don’t cuss a great deal in my normal life, and I do so even less in print, but seriously, people, what the holy flying fuck is this nonsense?
We finally have a culture – after the oppressive AIDS-scare years of my youth and the puritanical family-first bullshit that followed – we finally now have a culture where sex is beginning to become less a thing of shame and more a thing of connection and joy – like it always should have been – and you assholes are ruining it for everyone.
Cut it the fuck out.
Sex without a condom feels better, sure, but it’s a lot riskier than sex without one for men and it’s orders of magnitude riskier for women – whether they are using a secondary form of birth control or not.
Unwanted pregnancy is probably one of the most horrible things that can happen to a woman. There are no good choices to get yourself out of that situation, and as a man – you can, and most do, simply walk away and forget about it. Nevermind the lives that you are ruining – and it won’t just be the mother’s life that you ruin. Her friends will share her pain, and if she decides to abort, she will have to live with that decision for the rest of her life – and while I have known a few women to get the procedure, I have never known anyone who felt like it was a good thing to have experienced.
The reasons that I have seen some of these pigs give for why they do this are just plain ignorant if not downright chilling.
“It feels better without one.” Well, yeah, of course it does, but that is the most profoundly selfish thing that I have heard in a long time.
“It’s degrading for the woman, and I like to degrade her – she even likes being degraded.” Okay.. I’m not really sure how you’re managing to get her to feel degraded for your poor choices and untrustworthiness, but even if that were a valid reason (hint: it’s not) – THAT is not the way to bring degradation into your sex life. That’s a good way to cause serious harm to you both – and to the other people in your lives.
“It’s not illegal – she already consented to sex.” Yes, she consented to sex, and yes, it may not yet be illegal, but it only takes one judge to decide that it is and it will be covered under other forms of sexual assault and then you’re going to end up in the national sex offender database… but even if that were not the case, what an idiotic reason to do something?!? The law is there to protect people from others who would take advantage of them or would act recklessly with the lives and property of others. There are lots of things that are not illegal but that are still pretty stupid, but this has got to be near the top of that list. I do things that are both illegal and legal all of the time, but I draw the line at doing things which are immoral – and this is most definitely immoral.
Consent is one of the pillars of our community, but it’s also a foundation for trust, and trust is a required element of any relationship, kinky or not – long term, short term, even just a one-night-stand.
So, just cut this shit out. It doesn’t make you a big man – it makes you a coward. Shit.. even the term that people who are perpetrating this bullshit use to refer to it – ‘stealthing’ – is a cowardly term. It already implies that you are being deceitful.
Don’t be a deceitful coward. If you are fluid locked with your partner and using another method of birth control and talk about it together – then by all means, don’t use condoms. But everyone else – you really should be, for your own sake, not just hers.
Don’t be a fucking moron. Keep the condom on.
I should not have to be telling you this.