It kind of started out as a joke. The statement was completely true and made without any sort of deception or guile, but it seemed so outrageous that even though I was the one saying it, I had a hard time believing it.
I was on a date, and my date and I didn’t know each other very well as normally happens in the early stages of dating, so she asked me, “What is your passion?”
Such a broad question…
Normally this sort of question kind of puts my mind into overload as I try to think about all of the different possible answers and I get kind of paralyzed, but on this particular occasion the answer came quickly and almost without thought.
“I make it my sacred mission in life to make it acceptable for every person to be who they really are at their core.”
I usually actually try to go further than that and help everyone to be the best version of themselves that they can be, but that requires a great deal of work on their part, whereas the above statement only really requires that I be interested, nonjudgmental, supportive, patient, and caring – and I’m really quite good at those things, most of the time.
I’ve tried to refine this a bit, especially in the case of the people that I actually have close relationships with, because with those people I can take a more active hand in helping them to realize the things that are holding them back and realizing how they can be the best versions of themselves that they can be.
Of course, none of this is worth anything without me also doing work on myself and learning along the way as well, and I do my best to do that, every day.
One of my former mentees likes to tell people that I am responsible for her being kinky – or, she did, until I started to correct her each time she said it, with something like this, “No, little one, I didn’t make you who you are, I just accepted you and made it okay for you to be who you were all along.”
My goal in life for myself is to be as authentically me as I can manage. I try to let go of the guilt and shame that I’ve been gifted with by family and religion and society and I try to listen to the internal voices within me, understand their needs, and so long as it doesn’t hurt anyone to do so, satisfy them.
My sacred mission in life is to help you do exactly the same.
Every Wednesday I go to an event called Bondage a Go Go. I think I may have mentioned it before.
In keeping with my continuing desire and goal to say what I mean rather than couch my insecurities about showing enthusiasm with understatement or otherwise deflect, I’m going to call myself out for saying such things as, “It’s just another Wednesday,” or something similar. It’s an inside joke, and anyone that I say it to understands that around here, Wednesdays are something special. But I should just come out and say that.
Wednesdays are special because that is when BaGG happens, and BaGG is the best and longest-running weekly kink-friendly social event ever, anywhere.
Full disclosure – I am a member of the BGG Association that promotes and puts on Bondage a Go Go, but I have no financial stake and all of my efforts to advertise it here or in person are volunteer – because I am an acolyte.
Today is Wednesday, and I am elated – because no matter how bad life gets me down, on Wednesdays I have BaGG, and BaGG is therapy, family, validation, energization, and grounding all rolled into one. BaGG is where I can be mostly safe in being mostly me, and it is glorious.
“It feels like I’m in a movie.” – F
I still remember the first time that I went to BaGG. I didn’t know anyone, and I was alone, and it was overwhelming. It’s really just a bar, but it’s dark inside and people are wearing next to nothing and acting sexy as fuck. There is a dance floor in the front and two bars along with seating areas, a house masseur, a swag counter, and a dungeon in the back.
The first time you’re seeing something like this, it can be a lot to take in. Even as a seasoned kinkster, it was more than I expected in some ways and less than I expected in other ways, but one thing became abundantly clear to me within moments. BaGG is not a place or an event, BaGG is a people.
That first time that I was there, I was not a part of BaGG – I was present, I was physically there and I was watching and I was drinking and I was dancing and I was socializing, but I was not really a part of it.
I was disheartened, and I would leave to go home, knowing that it was something special, but feeling on the outside, and it would be years before I would return.
BaGG is a “kink-friendly take over of a night club” – C
BaGG is really just a weekly party in a bar with kinky themes. It’s not a BDSM event in the more general sense. There is not a dungeon floor where people are heard making noises of pleasure and pain surrounded by a wall of silence from the onlookers. There are not rooms where people can sequester themselves and do nasty, horrible things to each other. There are no classes or lessons or things to learn.
There is a dungeon, and it is small, and exposed, and your audience will cheer for you as you get beaten. There is a tradition of very public spanking with the entire bar cheering for you on your birthday or the birthday of your Dominant. And I will have to tell you, the three young ladies who took my spankings for me and the three Dominants (they were not all male) who delivered them while I stood by and basked in the glow of adoration from the crowd certainly contributed to make my year last year.
The dungeon is great fun, largely underutilized despite the fact that you have to wait for your turn more often than not, and also completely not the point of BaGG.
“I just go for the dancing.” – S
The dance floor at BaGG is amazing.
No where else that I am aware of do you have as many ultra sexy people dancing alongside straight up freaks – and often they are the very same people.
It’s right there in the name – there are Go Go dancers. You can tip them if you like. They won’t take off their clothes for you, but they’re not wearing that much to begin with.
The greatest show doesn’t come from the dancers on the stage or in the cage though – it comes from the people on the floor.
I don’t spend nearly enough time on the dance floor at BaGG, but if I don’t get out and dance every once in awhile, I get restless – and I don’t really dance anywhere else.
I’m a terrible dancer – I have to be only part of me to have any rhythm at all, but I don’t really care. My partners dance, my friends dance, I’ve met people on the dance floor, no one cares that I’m terrible at it – it’s just another part of the wonderful pervasive blanket of love that falls on me when I am there with my people.
“…people generally seem to know each other.” – A
I wasn’t a part of BaGG at first, but I went, and I put myself out there, and I kept going back and talking to the same people and learning that they felt the same way that I do – about politics and kink and love, but most importantly, about BaGG.
It was the piece that was missing for me until I just kept showing up. I’ve always felt like I could be at home at BaGG, but even still it took time before I felt like I was a part of it.
“How do I become a member?” I asked.
The answer is simple. Show up. Talk to people. Get to know the club and the personalities, let people know who you are, and then when two members in good standing will speak up for you and say, “This guy is not an asshole,” we’ll collect your dues and you will be one of us.
It’s nice to be one of us somewhere.
I’m at BaGG almost every week – it’s rare that I’m not there.
If ever you want to meet me, go to BaGG, look for the guy in a waistcoat and fancy knot in his tie, and you’ll likely find me.